When women come to see me for life and career coaching or homeopathy, I often find myself saying, “ You really do deserve to be happy.” With this statement I often receive a perplexed expression as their reply. Such a simple and somewhat obvious statement, but surprisingly for many women, it rings distant from their reality.

Their confused stare translates to, “Really? But how can this be? How could that actually happen? True happiness seems so far from my life that I honestly have no idea how to get there.”

I don’t mean that all women are walking around miserable. Far from that. However, deserving to be happy can have many connotations. It can mean the opportunity to have all they desire in life, to reach their dreams or to be completely fulfilled and content right where they are.

Many women tell me they remember having dreams and longings at some point in their lives, but over time, have lost touch with these aspirations. At this junction, these desires seem more like fantasies. Many women have expressed to me that they feel so trapped within their circumstances that happiness has meant settling, or making the best of what they really do not want.

Why is this so? And how did this happen? Is it a message we have unconsciously inherited from our mothers that says, “This is the best you’ll get or the best you can do, so deal with it”? Is it ideology from Cinderella and Superwoman gone astray? Or has it been the many disappointments in love, a dead-end quest for a dream career or never making it past surviving on a month-to-month income while juggling the responsibilities of home, work and family? Or maybe one has a great job, but it leaves no time for anything but the job? And the push for all of this has left many women feeling overwhelmed, lost and just plain tired.

Somewhere in the search, without their awareness, complacency has snuck in and taken hold. One day, they find themselves whispering under their breath that it is easier to accept what is in front of them, rather than continue the seemingly arduous journey toward the dream. Many have found a way to manage within the boundaries of this acceptance and even find a sense of safety and security in its clutches.

This is the definition of settling, and many of us have taken this road at one time or another. We settle in unhealthy relationships with partners that we know are not our true match. We settle in the work that we are either over qualified for, or we allow fear to hold us back from having the gratifying dream career we always wanted.

That would all be fine, I suppose. Except these same women tell me that there is this deep inkling inside, nothing they can really get a handle on, but a feeling that there has got to be more than this. It is also this inkling that has kept them feeling frustrated along with intermittent moments of yearning for fulfillment after periods of giving up on it altogether.

The main culprit in what I call the Settling Syndrome, is “fear” in one form or another. You may relate to some of these scenarios:

· Fear that this is the best that there is, so I better hang onto what I have.

· Fear that I may fail, so why should I try.

· Fear that I cannot do it perfectly, so therefore I am not capable.

· Fear of what others may think of me for leaving my safe and secure circumstance for a silly risk or pipe dream.

The unwillingness to face any of these fears is often what keeps women in situations that do not move them to their potential. This leaves them feeling bored, resentful, and stuck rather than experiencing a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment and full heartedness.

The reality is that the fear will lessen tremendously after one begins to make the necessary changes to remove themselves from their current unfulfilling circumstance. The steps it takes to initiate the new direction are the hardest. They may require that you dig deep for some courage. However, once you initiate the steps toward your new path, the fear will begin to diminish and you will wonder what you were so afraid of after all. It is by taking action that this fear will begin to subside. Your trepidation will not diminish by choosing to stay stuck, while trying to think your way out of it. The combination of courageous thought and forward action are the most powerful duo that can open the doors to all kinds of wonderful new possibilities.

You don’t have to jump off a bridge and make major changes in your life all at once. That would be too daunting to most. I suggest taking baby steps, which I call Mini-Feats™, and instead, build a bridge to your new life. Just three small action steps each day and, before you know it, you will have accomplished miles of positive movement.

The other culprit in the Settling Syndrome is the absence of direction toward a new path.

It is hard to know what better path to take next when you do not know what your options are. Or you may know the options, but have no idea how to get there. You may even feel that you have knocked on every door possible and have not found a good fit, or one that would even open. Then, of course, that familiar frustration and self-doubt start to creep in and, once again, you quit.

Unless you have had positive guidance from a family member, a coach, mentor, teacher or friend that can show you possibilities outside of your own personal experience, how would you know that there are wonderful possibilities within reach? If you have only been influenced by people that have had unhealthy or mediocre relationships, or are unsatisfied with their careers, what would be the inspiration for you to move beyond settling? How would you even know what direction to take or how to even get started? This has nothing to do with intelligence or capability. It is what all of us needed as children; and at times in adulthood. Someone to help show us the way.

To have a direction means that you know where you are headed. If you have not had someone to help guide you in some way, it may be hard to see that there are many possibilities for uplifting your life situation. You may have always thought, “Happy, prosperous and stimulating lives are for other people, not me.” I am here to tell you, this is not the truth.

If this scenario has been your state of affairs, I suggest you reach out to a mentor, or support system that is not emotionally involved in your situation. One that has experience and can be an impartial coach to open some windows to new options, and then help steer you in the right direction in any aspect of your life. By realizing there are options, you will begin to feel hopeful. And hope will give you a sense of freedom. And ahhhhhhhh…….freedom feels so good.

And remember, don’t ever settle or give up on yourself in any area of your life, because you do deserve to be happy.

As a small business owner and consultant in her own field, she respects what it took for me to create eight successful businesses since I was 23, including an ad agency, a homeopathic college, and a scuba diving shop.l

“Allison,” Stephanie said to me, “You knows firsthand how to turn passion into profits, and how to help people to discover their life’s purpose. My listeners would benefit from your advice about keeping going even in a down economy. The only thing stopping many people seems to be fear.”

On Wednesday, May 20, at 5 PM Pacific/8 PM Eastern, you’re invited to attend Stephanie 60-minute webinar, where she’ll interview me, on “Creating Financial Freedom By Starting Your Own Business: Why Losing (or Leaving) Your Job Might Be the Very Best Thing That Ever Happened to You.”

To Learn More about Allison Maslan

The event is free of charge to anyone who registers. It can be attended by phone or via the Internet (it’s your choice).

Click here to sign up for the Webinar

Feel free to sign up, even if you think you will be busy that night. The call is being recorded so you can replay it at your convenience. And leave us a question in the Q&A box on the webinar page. During the event, we will do our best to answer every question that’s been posted.

Watch my video on:

Why Losing Your Job Could Be The Best Thing That Happens To You

Microsoft chief executive officer Steve Ballmer told Stanford University students last week that it’s a mistake not to love your job. Acknowledging our tough times, he reminded them that there is still more venture capital available than innovative ideas for its use.

If that wasn’t enough of a reason to get out of a job that’s not nourishing your soul, consider this: Paradigm shifts in technology are creating opportunities in every field. We just have to give ourselves permission to go and grab those opportunities when we see them! This webinar is a good place to begin if you’re ready for change–or had one forced on you.

To Learn More about Allison Maslan

I have tremendous respect for Stephanie, who is going to interview me on topics such as:

• What makes this a good time to start a business venture?
• Tips to figure out what kind of business to start
• How to start a new business while working in your old job
• The cardinal rule of business success (can you guess this one?)
• How to stay motivated and positive when naysayers, doubting relatives, and environmental negativity surround you
• What kind of “ducks” need to be “put in a row” when you launch a business (legal, accounting, web support, vision statement, and more)?